NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Mary Beth Asbury, professor and chair of the Department of Communication Studies at Middle Tennessee State University, understands the impact of communication in our everyday lives.

As we approach the holiday season, Asbury shared three tips for handling difficult conversations and topics that may occur during family gatherings on Friday, Nov. 15, during the “MTSU Local on 2” segment from the studios of WKRN-TV News 2, the ABC affiliate in Nashville.

Top 3 tips for difficult conversations

• Frame things in terms of “I” rather than “you.”
• Avoid the “4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse “— criticism and/or complaints, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.
• Ask yourself what do you value more — the relationship or being right?

Watch the segment, part of the station’s Local on 2 programming, with program co-hosts Laura Schweizer and MTSU alum Stephanie Langston, below.

Asbury said knowing how and when to de-escalate a conversation is also essential.

“The main thing to remember is not to match the energy being given to you,” she advised. “Do the opposite. As people start to get riled up, you should calm down. As their voice gets louder, make your voice softer. You are showing people you are not going to match their energy, and it can often lead to people calming down.”

Asbury also encourages taking a break if things get too heated.

“Research on anger shows it takes a minimum of 20 minutes for anger to leave the body,” she explained. “Saying something like, ‘We aren’t getting anywhere with this right now. Let’s come back to this in half an hour.’ That can help the conversation in the long run.”

And while difficult conversations aren’t something anyone enjoys, Asbury said not all conflict is destructive.

“Having these conversations can clarify boundaries and needs in a relationship. It is necessary to have these from time to time because no one will ever be 100% perfect in their behavior toward us. This helps our relationships grow and can make them more rewarding,” she said.

To learn more about the undergraduate programs offered in the MTSU Department of Communication Studies in the College of Liberal Arts, visit http://communication.mtsu.edu. 

— DeAnn Hays (deann.hays@mtsu.edu)